A divorce or separation is one of the most painful experiences for the family involved. Speaking of cities like Edmonton and Whitehorse in Canada, more than 45000 divorces were granted last year, with a 5.6% divorce rate per 1000 people. And for children, this decision could be heartbreaking, seeing the dissolution of their parent’s marriage and the breaking up of the family. Some children can feel shocked, angry, and other emotions, while some start blaming themselves for the situation.
Both cases can have a negative impact on their psychological development. Hence, it’s vital to break the news very delicately. Hopefully, these 4 tips on how you can talk to your kids about divorce without making the situation worse will help.
Tell the Kids Together
You might have been planning to have a personal conversation with your child about the separation, but parents should break the news together. Before you speak to them, talk to your ex-partner and prepare in advance how you will break the news.
This would allow your children to hear both parents’ unbiased and honest thoughts, and they might be able to understand the situation better. If you are not on good terms with your partner, you can seek help from an Edmonton family lawyer who can help your child understand the entire scenario in the most subtle way. A family lawyer can be of great help in such cases.
Let Them Know the Constants
One of the things that children fear losing after divorce is the love of their parents. Let them know that’s not true. Make them understand the entire situation in such a way that they know nothing will change except that the kid won’t be able to spend family time with both parents at the same time. They might have multiple questions in their head, such as where they will live and which parent will leave home, make sure you answer all their doubts. Moreover, both parents should collectively assure the children that they can share anything or everything with them about the divorce.
Let Them Know It’s Not Their Fault
When parents file for divorce, kids often think it’s their fault. Be 1000% sure your children don’t think that way and clearly understand the entire situation. Tell them the truth. Tell them you have compatibility and other issues which makes it impossible for you to live together. When you show your kids the true picture, they may be hurt initially. They will respect your decision eventually. Hopefully, this decision was reached after counseling and much prayer. Your pastor or counselor will be helpful in this conversation with your children.
Reassurance Is Important
Kids can have a hard time imagining their life after divorce. They would need a lot of reassurance that it’s not their fault and that nothing much is going to change for them. Assure them that they can meet the other parent whenever they want, they can still go for sleepovers with their friends, and they can do all the other things they used to do in everyday life.
That being said, do not make false promises you can’t keep and might regret later. The key is to stay honest and take them along your journey.