There has been a myriad of portrayals of bumbling parents talking with their children about sex and purity. There is good reason, these are tough things to talk about – for parents and children. There are plenty of resources to approach the birds and bees for a variety of ages. What is lacking, is something addressing purity, which is not a common topic in today’s sexualized culture. I am no longer dreading those purity conversations thanks to Sex by Design from Abby Ludvigson.
Approaching the topic of purity from a Scriptural point of view with our children may seem obvious. In some ways, it has been part of our lifestyle and daily conversations their whole lives. But then, they start thinking for themselves (shocking, I know) and being exposed to more instances at the mall, at church, anywhere, and things get confusing. We hope our children will know how to respond; to think about these things they see and decisions they are confronted with. Ultimately, the goal is that they won’t need us, but until then, we must not take this role of advisor and teacher lightly. Using this resource, Sex by Design, has been a great way to facilitate purity conversations with my children.
Because we are cautious about using Scripture as our guide, I have been watching and going through the books and accompanying videos by myself first. This is clearly aimed at teens, both boys and girls. Abby is speaking to them, and with experience – not “do as I say, not as I do(did)”. The topics covered throughout the series address not only dating, sex, and modesty. “Counting the Cost: Every Decision Has a Price Tag” is a topic that reaches far beyond purity conversations. She also tackles pornography and secondary virginity (how I wish I had heard of such a concept when I was a teen). It is never too late to address these things with our children.
This series or curriculum consists of both Parent and Teen Guidebooks and videos to accompany each of the seven topics. The videos themselves are not lengthy, under 30 minutes. But don’t plan to breeze through this in a weekend. We’ve been spending even more than a week on each topic. We want to not just complete the sheets and mark this off of our to-do list. We want to have continual conversations, digging deeper over some time to really get these thoughts and goals firmly instilled in our children. I don’t want them to simply think of this as the “right way” because “Mom and the Bible said so”. I want these ideals and convictions to be their own. I want them to feel strongly about remaining pure.
Because it isn’t easy. It won’t be easy as they grow and move out to their own lives. I don’t know what God has in store for them. When or if they will marry. They need to be prepared to be in this not just for their teenage years, but for life. Healthy, Biblical views and practices of modesty and purity are something to keep with them always. It is not simply for those “coming of age” years. I am so glad we have this resource to guide us through. It keeps Mama from floundering and gives opportunities for many conversations to our girls. Our girls for now. As the boys reach the age and maturity, we will be using this with them, too. I will likely be not as involved for some of the topics as they have their Daddy to guide them. But if for some reason they didn’t, I would feel much more confident with this resource at hand.